So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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