Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Randomize
