you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
