okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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