please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Randomize
