Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
And then my night got REAL pukey
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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