So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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