i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
My pussy is not your playground.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
