pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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