walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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