You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
