ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
