Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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