I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
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