i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
My legs feel like baby dolphins
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
