Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
this just has baby written all over it
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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