Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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