she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
