I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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