All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
