sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
