How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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