Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
