I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
