I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
you had me at cake vodka
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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