Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
