I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
