My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Randomize
