Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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