Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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