My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Randomize
