Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
