She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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