i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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