I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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