dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
