I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
