I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
