Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
