You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
