im drinking this country out of the recession.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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