It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
