He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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