I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
