haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
