my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I need water and some morals
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
