If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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