Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
