I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
