I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
We won't sleep together?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
